Well here we go again!
I know I have said I am going to start writing and I really do want to but I've come to realize that I may have a self-confidence problem. I know you were thinking I was going to say self-esteem problem, but NO. I really do think highly of myself but it's a balanced "highly" of myself. I know I have flaws and quick to dispute a compliment, however I dare someone try to say something bad about me. So therefore I feel I have a good self-esteem. When it matters I know my worth.
Now, back to my self-confidence problem. It has gotten me by the...... whats the saying, hold please while I google this moment. (Insert your own elevator music here-Meditation Music......)
After some research I think the word I'm looking for is inappropriate so lets just say for family sake, this self confidence problem has put me in a bind. As a person who knows there "worth"- wait I just heard it as I was typing. How could I know my worth if I'm dealing with a confidence issue??? Humm.
Maybe I'm looking at this from the wrong angle. I tell you I have been doing that all day. I talk to God and Jesus Christ almost every day. Sadly I don't say my prayers every day but I do talk to the Lord. Today I was in one of my moods and I simply wrote down:
"What is the Question to ask so that I know what the correct answer is"?
I went on about my business. I had already decided I wasn't going to make it to church today. I just- I don't know. So I decided not to go, but I turned on K-Wave and listened to the broadcast from Calvary Chapel Church in California and man did GOD answer. He gave me the question and the answer and the instruction on how to go forth. Its between me and God but let me just say ask and you shall receive- if you listen. Anyway I say that to say, that my first question was what is the question, yet my other questions were about me... Am i happy, do I really know how to relax, etc. you know the Joyce Meyers robot impression of "what about me, what about me". I never really thought about one, my first question and two my other questions for that much.
But before the church program came on, I of course started working on answering my own questions... Not having faith in my own belief and therefore practices. Why write down in my prayer book and not let God answer- huh?
Anyway, so I started working on the answers and I realized that I have too much clutter in my life-period. Too much clutter in my closet, drawers, shoes, make up drawers, hair accessories, etc. Memories in my mind of past hopes, dreams, let downs, build ups. Friends, enemies, children, just clutter. I have not let anything go. Not in my spirit, not in my tangible world not in my mind. CLUTTER. So I said I am going to just get rid of the clutter. But then I became overwhelmed.
Where lord do I start. So I sat back and shook my head. Luckily it was time for the Church program to start, so I imagined, i'm not even sure what made me check. So I turned on the my app and the word of God preceded before me and in the present at the same time. How did this preacher know this is what I needed to hear. I asked this question this morning, he prepared his sermon when??? Only today did I see this message like this.
Every talk to God and then get an answer. You always assume that it is only happening in that moment. But how often do we realize that God had been doing something in that person's life or in that situation for however long for right at this moment I get the answer I need. Cool if you think about it.
So long story short, here we go again. I am going to make a commitment to myself and to me and to who I am that I am going to not only build my confidence so I can share the word, I am going to share the word daily. I don't think our purpose is anything other than witness and testify. God Bless and God Speed.
Proverbs 13:4: "The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat."
Bye for now.
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